Saturday, May 30, 2009

#152 - Quote, Unquote

Prop time. Quotes LaFevre wishes he came up with. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with going back to the well for inspiration. These are right up LaFevre’s alley.

It’s always darkest just before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s paper, that’s the time to do it.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Anything worth fighting for, is worth fighting dirty for.

Change is inevitable; except from a vending machine.

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times, I let her sleep in.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Friday, May 29, 2009

#151 - Hail To The Chief

Ever share a wild theory, only to be shot down with “improbable”, ‘highly-unlikely”, “impossible”, or the ever-present “now you’re just being paranoid”? Happens to me on occasion. Alas, all is not lost. Here’s one way to save face, and make everyone else feel awkward for not considering it. It’s really quite simple:

Respond with this little quip: “Well, maybe so. But there are 6½ TRILLION people on this planet. Do you honestly believe I’m the only one who thinks that?”

Of course, if your theory should become reality, you just became a god. But to stay a god, forget about it, and let others bring it up. Cuz if YOU do, you can kiss your crown goodbye. Hail to the chief, baby.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Hear No Evil, 1984 - an excerpt from "My Chequered Life", LaFevre's autobiography

Before there was metal, there was Motorhead. If Black Sabbath were the godfathers of heavy metal, Motorhead were the hitmen. Louder and faster than anyone on the scene at that time, Motorhead was the shit.

They were in town at the Warfield. A mid-sized venue with a capacity for 1600. Old-fashioned theater with theater seating right up to the stage. This would be the last time The Warfield would look like this. The bill: Motorhead, Mercyful Fate, Exciter. Third row on the aisle, on the left side. Right in front of the speaker stacks. Exciter was good. Mercyful Fate was off the charts. So much that a mosh pit developed down in front. But wait. It’s all seating down there. Not anymore. By the time Fate was done, the first three rows of seating were flattened. Motorhead was delayed due to Warfield staff having to not only remove the seating, but also unbolt the hardware from the floor. Ouch.

Motorhead would have been better if they hadn’t had technical difficulties resulting from the volume being TOO FUCKING LOUD. I was on the left side, and this would turn out to be the beginning of the end for the hearing in my left ear. I’m down to about 20%. Still at 100% on the right. Plus, I developed a new skill at reading lips, to a cetain degree. Yup, Motorhead did me in. Obvo

#150 - Knock, Knock

(dedicated to Helio Castroneves, 3-time winner of the 2009 Indianapolis 500)

You can knock a guy for crying, when he gets picked on.

You can knock a guy for crying, when he gets hit.
You can knock a guy for crying, when his girl leaves him.
You can knock a guy for crying, when he is sad.

But never, never, never, EVER, knock a man for crying, when he wins. Tears of joy are the only exception. Besides - at that time, his adrenaline is so high, it would be in your best interest to not knock him, if you don’t want to be knocked out.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Avon. Avon who? Avon lady and your doorbell’s broken.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

#149 - Vrooom

There comes a time when the planets are in line and all the cosmic forces come together for one moment in time. Once in a blue moon. This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday…

In the morning, we have the Indianapolis 500. In the afternoon, through part of the evening, it’s the Coca Cola 600 – the longest race of the NASCAR season. Sprinkle that with drag racing and monster trucks on other channels (ESPN & SPEED), to watch back-and-forth with the other two, and you’ve got what LaFevre calls – “Four-On-The-Floor”. Ha. I’m in heaven…sing it with me…I’m in heaven…

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

#148 - 3 Strikes

We encounter obstacles our whole lives, from all walks of life. Race, creed, gender, etc, means nothing. How we handle it gives us our experience, and hopefully makes us stronger in the process.

As far as health goes, the Big 3 are Stroke, Heart Attack, and Cancer. Two are immediate, the last being long-term, and debilitating. All three are survivable, if caught in time. This is why it is of the utmost importance you take the time to ensure none of these happen to you. Knowledge is power. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Oh, you can strike one off the list for LaFever (stroke). Another one for the “win” column.

When asked if he had enough vacation to cover the 3-week absence, LaFever had this to say: “I’ve been saving it for a rainy day, but I certainly wasn’t expecting to get hit by a Class 5 hurricane.” Phew.

#147 - LaFever on OLaFever #3

You may slow him down, but you cannot stop him.
(For #1 and #2, see Fevisms #14 and #15)

#146 - Vice Versa

As unhealthy, self-destructive and sometimes life-threatening as vices are, they still remain a form of stress relief, however negative the long-term effects may be. The key here: when someone tells you a problem exists, it is no longer stress-relief, but more a form of escape, or denial, masking a larger issue. Pay attention to others, and take care o’ yo biz.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Tiger Claw says...

In space, no one can hear you play.

#145 - Clay Animay Gumbay

Claymation. Second only to animation. And much harder to create, considering the time and energy involved. Celebrity Death Match broke it into the mainstream. But before that, it was Mr. Bill from Saturday Night Live, that introduced the medium to the general public. BUT, it was a decade earlier, or more, that premiered the art and introduced the world to this genre. Gumby and Pokey. Just a little trivia for y’all. For a reason.

LaFevre mentions it only because Gumby is the perfect temporary nickname for yours truly, after having all the upper choppers removed, for various reasons. Now, he looks like the old guy from the Six Flags commercial. Great running joke, complete with erratic dance moves. Seeing is believing.

Nonetheless, the temporary consequences have elicited a zen riddle, a trick question, rhetorical in nature, for which there is no answer. Mostly a play on words. Why do we need teeth to chew gum? Or gummy bears? Gumballs? Makes no sense. Gimme gum, or gimme death…thayeth the Feve…