Thursday, December 31, 2009

#191 - DominoMyGod

After two decades of seeing Domino’s Pizza commercials, if finally dawned on LaFevre. OK, so some things take a little longer to see. But after watching the latest commercial advertising their new pizza after decades of selling ketchup-covered cardboard, it became obvious why they sucked. At the same time, he finds it amazing they’ve stayed in business this long.

Furthermore, LaFevre finds it odd that he’s never heard anyone mention this. Check the logo. It’s a domino. Look at the numbers. 1 & 2. That, my friends, in the dice world, is CRAPS.

Friday, December 18, 2009

LaFever retorts...


Name the 4 seasons...salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

What is a planet? A body of earth surrounded by sky.

What major disease is associated with cigarettes? Premature death.

What does "varicose" mean? Nearby.

What is a "caesarian section"? A district in Rome.

What does "benign" mean? It is what you'll be after you be eight.

Give an example of a fungus. What is its characteristic feature?
Mushrooms. They grow in damp places and is why they look like umbrellas.

How is dew formed? The sun shines on leaves, making them perspire.

#190 - Sunglasses At Night

LaFevre likes lighter wear during the day, not just for the obvious reason of sunlight reflection, and darker wear at night, to not draw attention to himself. Unfortunately, it goes against the norm to dress dark at night, when out and about, based on the theory drivers can’t see you. Point taken.

LaFevre’s exception to the rule? No matter what LaFevre wears at night, if he walks out into the street, to cross a street, he will look at any vehicle coming up in the vicinity. Why? Because he’s white. The face, along with the moving hands, should be a dead giveaway.

But LaFevre is also prepared, because if the driver doesn’t see him, it isn’t because he was in dark clothing, it is because the driver wasn’t paying attention. And LaFevre is more than ready to do an aikido roll across your hood and up over your windshield, without sustaining any serious injury, and taking you to the bank, for a DWI (Driving While Idiot).

#189 - I Know Nothing, I Know Nothing

I miss Sgt. Schultz. Hogan’s Heroes was one of my 3 all-time faves (along with #3 – Mash, and #1 – Wild Wild West). I’ve also read in Eastern Philosophy scriptures penned by grandmasters and old philosophers how they know nothing, when they actually know more than most. Humbling, no? Yes? I realized the same thing one night, as I do other times, when it takes an extra-long time to get to sleep. No epiphany. No revelation. Just a realization. But always based on a recent experience, as always.

“No matter how much I’ve done, or how long I’ve been doing it, what I know through what I’ve learned, is still nothing, compared to what I don’t know, and have yet to learn.”

#188 - Knowledge Is Power

The more time you dedicate to learning, assimilating, and realizing the truths of a particular subject, the more simple and less complicated it becomes, resulting in even lesser time determining what follows is true, and what is untrue.

#187 - Meat Market Collisions

Fevisms appear out of the blue, from left field, by way of inspiration, observation, or by total plagiaration (made up on the spot to keep in rhyme, another fevism?); but there are a select few that not only deserve credit for not just their inspiration, but their contribution, and receive credit in the process. Hey, LaFevre’s integrity is at steak (pun intended). What follows is a really cool analogy based on a conversation with a good friend, AA, aka A-Ron the esquire, who likened the unfortunate incident of an automobile accident, to a piece of meat. T-Bone.

T-Bone – Getting hit in the side, in a perpendicular fashion.
NY Strip – obviously, a side-swipe, as in, trading paint.
Flank/Rump Roast – uh, a rear-end job. Duh.
Rib-Eye/Porterhouse/Ground – the head-on collision

Note: Obviously, the head-on is the worst, where no one survives. Originally called Rib-Eye, since the eyes are up front, but then changed to Porterhouse, for the sheer size of the cut, or severity of damage, but then, Ground, as a metaphor for the end result. In this case, there is no cheeseburger in paradise.

Disclaimer: the use of the fevism number of 187 (police code for murder/death/kill) and the context of the subject matter, that being, the morbidity of vehicular collisions, is strictly coincidental.

#186 - High Expectations

There are needs, and then there are wants. Pretty cut’n’dry. The difference is the path. Do you expect, or simply request? When needs aren’t met, there is sorrow. When wants aren’t met, there is anger. But you have to ask yourself: are you expecting, or requesting? We’ve forgotten our place. You can request to have a need fulfilled, or a want fulfilled. But in the end, all you can do is request. Expecting, in and of itself, is selfish.

The solution: don’t expect. Request. If the need is not filled, call back later. If a want is not filled, deal and live with it. But everyone has an advantage, sorta. You may not get what you need, or what you want, but if you get anything, be happy with what you got. And if what you got was what you hoped for, not just what you wanted, because what you wanted and what you hoped for, were the difference between living or simply surviving, you’re ahead of the game. But even more important, after the fact: don’t just say thank you, but remember what was done for you. It’s not someone else’s job to remind you, it’s your job to remember.